In the Defense of Worms

[Bruce Bowerman]

To round out each summer course held at CSHL, a banquet is held in Blackford for the course instructors and participants. This is a very entertaining banquet, with students and instructors exchanging gifts that often have a humorous edge to them. For example, one year the worm course students swam across the bay, in our birthday suits, of course, and when we reached the other side I was too tired to swim back. Andrew Chisholm generously offered to wait with me for students to return with a car and pick us up. We sat on the blacktop getting eaten alive by insects for about 2 hours! They finally arrived, and all ended well. That year, the students got me two inflatable floaters, one for each arm, normally worm by young children but quite useful for CSH instructors in the bay, too!

Even more entertaining, each year, the Yeast Genetics Course and the C. elegans Course both occur in mid-august, which means that the two courses attend the same banquet! The banquet always follows the annual Plate Race. The plate race is a relay race in which each team member has to run one lap while carrying a stack of twenty 150mm stinky used yeast plates, and transfer them to the next member, all without dropping them. If you drop them, you have to go back to the beginning, get a new stack and start over. The yeast course was quite proud to have never lost a plate race in twenty years to another course, UNTIL 2003, when they were SOUNDLY defeated by the C. elegans course team. That was a truly spectacular moment. And of course the C. elegans team victory made the banquet even rowdier than usual. After the meal is finished, it is a tradition to sing songs defending one's chosen model organism (either yeast or worm), while disparaging the other course members. In keeping with tradition, the worm course students and instructors wrote the following two songs! Credit should be given to Andrew Chisholm and Erik Jorgensen as the two most enthusiastic instructors in terms of contributing songs over the years. I will take credit for training and inspiring the C. elegans plate race team to victory in the summer of 2003. Dan Burke still has 21 victories to glow over however.

Oh Candida, the yeast song
(to the tune of “old Canada”)

Oh I wish I were studying yeast genetics,
A creature that could take us to the moon.
Oh I wish I were doing a yeast-2-hybrid,
A technique I never shall lampoon.

Oh I wish I were on the course that's taught by Daniel Burke
Orna Cohen-Fix and Dave Amberg too.
No I take it back, I wouldn't do it even if you paid me,
Oh yeast you are a beast I must eschew.

Oh I wish I was blowing up the lab of David Botstein,
And going on to torch the Fink lab too (he he!) .
The destruction of yeast and all of its culture
is by far my favorite scenario.

[key change]

Just where does the yeast course get off with sharing a banquet,
With courses far superior to it? (yikes!)
Why you lousy, stinking, foot-itching, crotch-rot loving bastards,
You're just a tiny budding piece of s##t!!

Yeast is only good for bread and beer
(to the tune of “On Ilkley Moor Bah't Hat”)

Yeast's only good for bread and beer, bread and beer,
While worms can smell and fornicate forever,
Yeast's only good for bread and beer, bread and beer,
Yeast's only good for bread and beer,
('cause it's got one cell)
We are the mighty worm,
We are the mighty worm,
We are the mighty worm,
(with distinct behaviors)

Yeast gives a rash around the feet, round the feet,
And very smelly itchy genitalia,
Yeast gives a rash around the feet, round the feet,
Yeast gives a rash around the feet,
(That's why there's Canestan)
So put some on your plates,
So put some on your plates,
So put some on your plates,
(and stop scratching for now)

Yeast forms the diet of the fly, of the fly,
'Cause you're at the bottom of the food chain,
Yeast forms the diet of the fly, of the fly,
Yeast forms the diet of the fly,
(Cause you've got no brain)
You're only good to eat,
You're only good to eat,
You're only good to eat,
(And for vegemite)

Yeast's never ever had good sex, had good sex,
Whilst worms are known to fornicate for hours,
Yeast's never ever had good sex, had good sex,
Yeast's never ever had good sex,
('cause you'd rather bud)
You'll never get it up,
You'll never get it up,
You'll never get it up,
('cause you're far to simple)

So don't think you're better than the worm, than the worm,
We're clearly more superior than you are,
Don't think you're better than the worm, than the worm,
Don't think you're better than the worm,
(with you small genome)
So take your plates and run,
We'll always have more fun,
We are the mighty worm.